


at a crossroad

by Anonymous



Category: Gaya Sa Pelikula (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29583813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Prompt: Karl makes a choice—and he chose Russell.
Kudos: 19
Collections: Kilometer Zero: A GSP Prompt Fest 2021





	at a crossroad

**Author's Note:**

> A little side note: Frankly, I'm disappointed with how this turned out. I feel that there's something lacking, I just can't put a finger on it and I also don't know how to fill it. I know I could've written this better. I don't think I did the prompt justice, but I hope this will suffice. 
> 
> To the reason behind this, the girl who seems to always have an answer to everything but has a lot of questions herself, this is for you. Maybe you'll read this, maybe you won't. I will keep trying and I will do better next time.

Karl’s drunk. He’s on his nth bottle of beer and his friends are having fun. It’s his celebratory party after winning an award. He should be celebrating. He is happy that he won… but, he’s distracted. Karl is on the lookout for Vlad. Vlad is nowhere to be seen; He should be here. This isn’t the first time this happened.

“Earth to Karl!” Karl sees Russell smiling snapping his fingers in front of him.

“Oh? Kanina ka pa ba d’yan?” He returns the smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Russell notices and worries. “May problema ba? Bakit tulala ka d’yan? Dapat nagcecelebrate ka.”

What if you’re only in love with a version of someone that no longer exists? What if one day you wake up and realize that you no longer know the person you’re sleeping next to? You’ve achieved your dreams, but at the expense of what? Karl mutters under his breath. 

Russell doesn’t catch it. “Ha?” 

“Wala, pagod lang.” 

“Sabi mo, e. Basta alam mong andito lang ako lagi.” Russell doesn’t push it. He knows Karl will tell him if he wants to; once he’s ready to. 

“Salamat.” Karl says softly. 

“Oh, ngiti na. Kanina ka pa inom nang inom d’yan, tara, sayaw tayo!” He holds out his hands for Karl to take and proceeds to drag him to the dance floor. They proceed to dance. 

A couple of dances. Bodies close. Breaths heavy from all the dancing. 

In the middle of all the dancing, Karl stops and looks at Russell. Russell has had his eyes on him the whole time. They catch each other’s gaze, as if they’re talking without any words leaving their lips.

Karl danced the whole night Russell, never taking his eyes off of him. He’s unable to. It’s as if he’s transfixed. He felt as if he was seeing Russell for the first time. And he felt something else… a punch in the gut?

Russell’s just a friend. Is he really? 

\--

Vlad’s in deep sleep beside Karl, and Karl is looking at him. It’s a quarter past three and the latter can’t seem to fall asleep. He finds himself looking at the man beside him.  
He starts tracing Vlad’s face with his eyes. They’ve been together for almost 7 years and he’s memorized his face. He even knows every mole and scar etched on his skin. Every dip and every flaw.  
But now, he feels as if something’s missing. Karl’s searching for something he can’t put a finger on.  
Sigh. Maybe it’s just me.  
Karl continues to stare at Vlad, but his mind is now elsewhere. Vlad wakes up and sees Karl staring at him. He doesn’t smile, like he always did in the past whenever he’d wake up to Karl staring at him in the middle of the night. Something’s off. That’s all Vlad could think of.  
Karl does not notice that Vlad’s awake; he’s lost in deep thought. 

Vlad. When did his name start sounding so foreign? 

“Karl, bakit gising ka pa?” 

Karl wakes up from his reverie, and only then does he notice. He smiles at Vlad, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Vlad notices but says nothing.

“Ah, nagising lang. Hindi ka na nasanay sa’kin.”

Vlad keeps mum about it and just nods at Karl. 

“Tulog na tayo.”  
“Sige, tulog na tayo.  
“I love you, Arki. My pancake.”  
“I love you, too, Pancake.”

Vlad opens his arms wide as an invitation for Karl to fall asleep in his arms like he always does every night. Karl shyly takes the invitation and they both fall asleep, but not without saying their I love yous. It’s a must. It’s their thing. But lately, it has started sounding like a routine. And it felt…empty. 

\--

Karl wakes up to the sound of Vlad cooking in their kitchen and the smell of corned beef in the air. He got up fast, went to the bathroom and took his sweet time doing his morning routine. He missed mornings like this. And at the same time, he does not know how to face Vlad after last night. 

Karl goes down and musters up the courage to greet Vlad ‘good morning.’

“Good morning, Vlad.” Awkwardness evident in his voice.  
“Good morning, Arki. Let’s have breakfast na.” He motions for Karl to sit.

They both eat in silence. Karl, unable to stand the silence, breaks it.

“Uh, hindi ka busy ngayon?” He asks Vlad.  
“I’m on a break. I want to spend time with you before I take on another project.” 

Vlad is now a world-renowned Director and so is Karl. They’re both living their dreams. 

“So, did you have fun with your friends last night? I’m sorry I wasn’t there to celebrate with you. Congratulations, Arki. I’m proud of you.” Vlad tells Karl, trying to start a conversation.

“Thank you, Vlad. Oo naman. Ang saya kasama nila Russ sa inuman, andaming baong kuwento at kalokohan. Dinadaya nga ako ni Russ sa shots minsan, nung nakaraan nalasing tuloy ako. Loko talaga.” Karl responds while trying to suppress a smile, as if he’s recalling something funny. 

“Haha, that would’ve been a sight to see since you don’t drink.”

“Uy, umiinom na ako ngayon ah! Mas mataas na alcohol tolerance ko.” 

“Oh…you do?” Vlad blinks as if taken aback. He recovers and quickly adds, “Inom tayo next time, show me what you’ve got!”

“Game. Bring it on.” Karl laughs. 

“May shoot kayo ngayon?” Vlad smiles while looking at him.

Confused, “Wala—Wala naman, bakit?”

I feel like I’m losing you. I hope it’s not yet too late. “I just want to make it up to you.” Vlad says instead. Vlad knows. He knows something has changed, and he wants to exert an effort to save their relationship. 

Vlad and Karl decided to go on a date. It’s been a while since they last spent time together. They can barely remember the last time they did. However, the date only magnified how much they have grown individually and separately. Their day out was filled with awkwardness. The couple began to feel the gap in their relationship; was it always there? 

Maybe, just maybe, they both found themselves questioning: Who is this stranger? Is this still the same person I fell in love with 7 years ago? 

The answer is no, and deep inside they both know. 

\--

Russell calls Karl who picks up the phone too eagerly, oblivious of Vlad’s knowing stare. 

“Russ, napatawag ka?” It takes a while for the other line to answer. Karl waits patiently for the other boy to say something. 

“Russ?” 

Russell is startled. He takes a deep breathe before he speaks. “A-ah ano, busy ka? Can we talk? I have something I’ve been wanting to tell you.” Karl tries not to, but his lips break into a smile. 

“Hindi naman. Saan ba, sa tambayan? Nasa area lang ako.” 

“Sige, doon na lang.” 

Karl look backs at Vlad, only then does he remember him. His smile falters for a little. “Vlad, makikipagkita raw si Russ.” Vlad just answers with a little nod and he takes it as his cue to leave. 

Russell and Karl arrive at the familiar coffee shop at the same time. But, Russell bides his time. He remains standing outside even when he sees Karl sitting inside in the corner like he always does. His hands are shaking and for a moment, parang gusto na lang niyang mag back out. Hindi niya ata kaya. However, he finds himself walking.

Karl immediately smiles and raises his hands once he sees Russ. 

“Kanina ka pa ba?”

“Hindi naman, kakarating ko lang din. Order muna tayo.” 

Karl’s looks bothered the entire time. He noticed that Russell has been acting weird. Russell looks tense, beads of sweat are forming on his forehead and he keeps fidgeting with his hands. Karl wants to ask Russell but Russell has been avoiding his stare and seems to be in his own bubble. So, he decided to let it slide for now. They ate in silence and once done, Karl breaks it.

“Okay ka lang? Kanina pa kita gustong tanungin, pinipigilan ko lang. Para ka kasing wala sa sarili mo.” 

Russell closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. It’s time. It’s now or never. 

“Pataapusin mo muna ako magsalita bago ka magreact, okay? Or uhm ano puwede rin namang wala kang sabihin. You don’t have to say anything.” 

Russell looks nervous and Karl doesn’t want to add to his nervousness, so he just nods with a small smile on his lips as if encouraging Russell to speak out his truth. 

“Karl, mahal kita. Mahal kita bilang kaibigan at mahal din kita ng higit pa doon. Hindi mo alam pero, college pa lang mahal na kita. Pakiramdam ko sasabog ang puso ka sa tuwing nasa malapit ka. Naalala mo ‘yung sinasabi ko dating gusto ko kaso hindi ako gusto? O ‘yung iniiyakan ko nung minsang nag-inuman tayo dati nung bago pa lang kayo ni Vlad? Ikaw ‘yon, at ikaw din ‘yung iniiyakan ko pa rin hanggang ngayon tuwing may inuman. Don’t get me wrong, masaya akong masaya ka, pero mahal talaga kita e. Lagpas 7 years na pero hanggang ngayon, ikaw pa rin. Gumraduate na tayo’t lahat, pero he’to ako hindi pa rin nakakagraduate sa feelings ko.”

To say that Karl is shocked is an understatement. Russell, on the other hand, is trying so hard not to cry. He sniffs before he continues.

“Wala akong intensiyong masama. I just want you to know. I’ve kept that secret for so long kasi takot akong masira ang pagkakaibigan natin, but I can’t keep it anymore. I want to be honest with my feelings, too, Karl.

Karl is too stunned to say anything. He’s confused. He believes he loves Vlad, or so he thought. He loved Vlad, yes, but is he still in love with him? or he just in love with the idea of still being in love with him after how long they’ve been together?

In Russell’s face, Karl finds the answer to all his questions. Siya mismo ang sagot. 

And in the corner stood Vlad, hands tightly clutching his chest. Hindi siya bulag at mas lalong hindi siya tanga. 

\--

Karl walks in on Vlad on the floor with a beer in his hand surrounded by bottles of finished beer. It’s obvious he’s had a lot of drinks. 

“What changed? Mahal mo pa ba ‘ko?” 

Karl stills at what Vlad has just asked. He wants to say something but nothing would come out of his mouth. Gusto niyang sabihing mali si Vlad, pero hindi niya kayang magsinungaling kahit ayaw niyang saktan ito. Ayaw niyang magsinungaling kay Vlad. 

“You? Me? Us? Everything has changed, Vlad. We we’re supposed to grow together, but grew separately and far from each other. Nagising na lang akong nasanay na akong wala ka. Paminsan-minsan, aaminin ko, hinahanap-hanap pa rin kita. Pero, hindi na gaya ng dati. Hindi na ako nakakaramdam ng kahungkagan sa tuwing umaalis ka, mas nakararamdam na ako no’n kapag katabi kita. Namalayan ko na lang na in love na lang pala ako sa isang version mo na hindi na nage-exist. Hindi na kita kilala. Hindi na natin kilala ang isa’t isa.

I will always love you, Vlad, but I’m not in love with you anymore. Hindi ko lang maamin sa sarili ko.” Karl finds his voice after a moment of utter silence. 

Vlad’s face contorts in pain, as if something in him has been shattered—his heart. What leaves Karl’s mouth breaks Vlad’s heart. He releases the breath he’s been holding. 

“Close your eyes. Just listen to me, Karl, and close your eyes.” Guilty, Karl shuts his eyes tightly afraid of what’s to come next. Vlad plays a song.

(Song Played: Isang Buong Araw Kasama Ka – Akong Ayalam) 

“Now tell me, who do you see? It’s not me anymore, isn’t it?” Bitterness and hurting evident in his voice, Vlad is now crying like he did 7 years ago. It’s breaking Karl’s heart to see him this way. 

He broke Vlad’s heart. He didn’t mean to.

“I’m sorry. Vlad, I’m sorry.” It was all he could say. Si Russell. Si Russell na ang nakikita niya. 

“Don’t be. And don’t say you’re sorry, hindi mo naman kasalanang hindi mo na ako mahal.” Vlad attempts to smile through the tears. 

“You loved me, and that’s more than enough for me. You don’t have to love me still.” 

“Vlad…”

“Hindi mo man aminin, alam kong nakapili na ang puso mo ng bagong magmamay-ari nito. Alam kong hindi na ako. I know you--well, at least, I used to. I saw the way your eyes sparkled just at the mere mention of his name. And I saw how you looked at him, Karl. You used to look at me that way. I wish you still looked at me that way, but you don’t…not anymore.” I watched you fall out of love with me with my eyes wide open. 

Karl doesn’t know what to say. His heart is breaking for the man in front of him who now looks like the lost boy he fell for in his freshman year. His first love, and what he thought would also be his last. But, he knows it’s for the best. 

“I’m letting you go, Karl. I want you to promise me one thing, be happy, okay? I just…I want you to be happy.” Vlad wants to say more, but some things are better left unsaid. 

“Alam ko. Gusto ko rin namang maging masaya ka. Gusto kong mahanap mo ‘yung talagang para sa’yo. I wish you all the best. Kukunin ko na lang sa ibang araw ang mga gamit ko. Good bye, Vlad.” 

Vlad falls on the floor crying for the love he lost. 

Please come back. Please don’t leave me. Please stay. 

Words remain stuck at his throat. Vlad badly wants to run after Karl and beg, but he doesn’t. He makes no move to do so. Vlad remains unmoving. He just sat there screaming in agony with tears in his eyes. Vlad ended things to make it easier for him--for them. He wants to end their relationship before their memories together gets tainted. And he loves Karl with all his heart, even if he failed to make the other feel it completely in the years they’ve been together. The least he could do for Karl is to set him free and makes sure he’s happy, even if his happiness no longer included him. 

While, Karl walks out the door and he doesn’t look back.


End file.
